DISABILITY AND SEX Q&A
Often when an individual finds out that I am both disabled and in a relationship, the first few questions that pop into their head’s are: “Does IT work?”, “How do they have sex?” And “Is he any good?” Understanding how disability and sex work together can be difficult for those who have never been exposed to it. However, it isn't as complicated as you may think…
1: DOES IT WORK?
First of all. Yes, IT does work. Well, mine does. Depending on the disability an individual has can affect how their body works and whether they have feeling or control of that part of the body.
My cerebral palsy means although my legs don’t work properly, I still have sensation and some control over all of my body. So, luckily for Gina, everything is running like clockwork.
2. HOW DO YOU HAVE SEX?
Now, this is a common question. And I won’t bore you with the details, however, this is a very personal thing for each couple. It may take patience, trial and error, and a little bit of creativity. But, if both partners are up for it, it can lead to an even more interesting experience in the bedroom, as you have to be creative and possibly find ways of doing things that you never thought would work.
It is really important, in any relationship, to take time to understand what you and your partner enjoy. This is even more important in an inter-abled relationship, in order to understand what you or your partner is capable of, what is comfortable and (most importantly) what they enjoy.
3. IS HE GOOD?
You will have to ask Gina this question. But as I’ve said above, we’ve taken a lot of time to understand each other and how we can do things, even if it means being a little different…
4. IS IT A TURN OFF WHEN HE ASKS FOR HELP IN THE BEDROOM?
From my experience, when you’re in an inter-abled relationship, it often makes your relationship with your partner closer, and in my relationship, it doesn’t kill the mood. Often we laugh about it and just pick up where we left off. Personally, it did make me feel a little embarrassed and on edge at first, but it has become part of our everyday routine, let alone when hormones get involved. So, when I do have to ask for assistance in that situation, often Gina already knows what I need and it becomes auto-pilot for her to just do it without hesitation.
WHAT DOES GINA THINK?
“As Charlie said, it becomes auto-pilot, I know what he may need assistance with and we just get on with it. If there is an issue, we just turn it into a joke.”
5. DO WE NEED ASSISTANCE AIDS IN THE BEDROOM?
Straight forward answer? No. Luckily, I am quite independent, particularly in this area. And as I said, Gina knows what I need help with, so most of my assistance needs are covered there.
WEIRD SIDE NOTE:
We haven't quite figured out why, but after having some fun… any tension or muscle ache I may have prior (due to my disability), tends to go away. Funny isn’t it? So, sex is a muscle relaxant, who knew!